Dear Sister Preacher's Wife

I may know you or I may never have met you. Whoever you are, if you are a Christian woman we are bound together by a bond of sisterhood. If you are a preacher’s wife we are sisters not only in Christ but in the ministry of His Gospel in a unique way. I wrote this several years ago at the request of a dear friend for someone that would soon become a minister’s wife and I decided to revisit it and give it a bit of an update.

I have been married to my wonderful husband, Paul, for 18 years. We have three children ages 15, 12, and 3 (that, however, is totally another letter) We have been privileged to work with several great congregations in Tennessee, New Mexico, Kentucky, West Virginia, and coming soon, Texas. Paul and I have known each other for 20 years and have been in ministry together for nearly that long as well. Having been a preacher’s wife for 18 of those 20 years I do have a few things that may be helpful to you as you begin your life as a minister’s wife, that may be helpful reminders if you’ve been in that role for a while, or may encourage you to be a blessing to your preacher’s wife if you are not one. I hope that you will find these things helpful and I welcome advice from you as I strive to maintain my focus.

1. God should be your first priority in all you do. If you do not put God first on every list you make, it makes life more of a struggle than it needs to be. Be present to offer worship to God at every opportunity. Be present to study His word with fellow Christians at every opportunity. Surround yourself with His people as much as possible. There is a reason Deuteronomy 6:4-5 is called the great Shema or the great listen. God says to Israel, if you don’t hear anything else, hear this: “The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” God should not only be a small part of you, He should be all of your whole being.

2. With God firmly in place as the head of your family make sure that you and your family grow in Him. Pray everyday, read or meditate on His Word everyday. One of my favorite things to do is post things in my home that have scripture on them. It helps me to gear my mind in the right direction. Have conversations with your family about scriptures you have had on your mind and have been studying. Engage in conversation with your husband about his sermon or class study focus for the week and it will enrich your appreciation for God’s Word and grow your relationship at the same time. After telling the people of Israel to love God with their whole self, the Lord goes on to tell them how they can accomplish this command. Deuteronomy 6:6-9 says: “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” This will work for us today as well. As we strive to keep God first in our lives we must keep His word in our hearts.

 3. You, as a minister’s wife, are living in a fish bowl now. Sorry to say, right or wrong, it’s the truth. Be aware of this but DO NOT let it rule your life. You are a Christian Woman just like every other Christian Woman held to the same standards by the only judge that matters, God. You can not control that others will feel they have the right to comment on everything from your hairstyle to your footwear to how you raise your children, but you can control how you react to it. The right reaction will set the stage for how future conversations will be directed and for how you may influence someone to do better for the work of Christ. Proverbs 25:11 says “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” If you remember numbers 1 & 2 on the list, it makes number 3 easier to handle. As Matthew 12:34-35 says “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil.” What are you treasuring in your heart, the Word of the Lord and His encouragement through it or hurt and disappointment from those who do not represent Him well with their criticism? It will be reveled in your responses. Your tongue will deceive you (James 3:5-12). Do not allow a few thoughtless people and their words to invade your heart and ruin good works for God. Guard your heart and guard your words.

4. This point was not in my original letter. After careful consideration I realized I could not omit it. You need to know there are far more people that will encourage and lift you up than you realize. There are people that will help you get through the tough times and tough words from others. Allow them to do it. It’s tough to be under the microscope or in the fish bowl as I said before. There will be some who like to analyze or tap the glass and irritate you but with prayer and focus on God and His work He will bless you with so many of His people that will want to do nothing but lift you and your family up. I have pieces of my heart all over this country because of the wonderful people God has given me through ministry. They will help you remember that God is in control and that He is worthy of your commitment even when Satan sends people to hurl darts of insult and hurt at you. Don’t let the few that injure you lead you down a path away from service in the kingdom. Hear the voice of God in those who seek to encourage you to follow Him.

5. Be full of Joy. This point used to say be happy but I have come to the conclusion that happiness is relative. It is based on how I feel from day to day. Some days, I am not happy. Some days I am down right upset. But, on those days, I am still full of joy even in the midst of my sadness or fear or upset. Joy at the blessings I have received from a God that will never leave me alone. Joy runs deeper than happiness in my opinion. It is something that allows me to feel those days of hurt and know that that’s not all there is. My marriage is a constant reminder of that deep down joy. How blessed am I, how blessed are you, to be married to a Godly man! Take comfort and joy in the fact that even if this man were not a minister he would still be an active member of the Lord’s Church. Know that he, like you, is a Christian just like any other Christian and he is being held to the same standards by the only judge that matters as well. Others may see the labels “Minister and Minister’s Wife” but God sees His children working in His vineyard as He commanded. Be joyful in this! You are doing God’s will together and not the will of any one else. How blessed you are! 

6. Preacher’s Wife does not equal “she who will run every program.” You have your strengths and weaknesses just like any other human being. Be aware of those strengths and weaknesses and do not be afraid to say “I do not feel I am suited to that job. Perhaps I could do…. instead?” Just because the wife of the previous minister took on a project does not mean you have to. If the Elder’s ask that a program continue that you do not feel suited to, respectfully offer to help find a replacement or find an alternative activity that you can do. Also remember that you have different and unique talents that may or may not mirror your husband. Just because he can do something does not mean you can too. DO NOT try to be someone you are not. It won’t help you, it won’t help your husband, and it won’t help the Lord’s Church. 1 Corinthians 12:27-31 “Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, helping, administrating, and various kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all possess gifts of healing? Do all speak with tongues? Do all interpret? But earnestly desire the higher gifts. And I will show you a still more excellent way.” Apparently this has been a problem for a long time, even in the 1^st century church. We don’t all do the same things; we can’t all do the same things. See also 1 Corinthians 12:14-20 which tells us we are all one body but we all have different functions. We can’t all be ears or eyes or feet. We need each part to function the way God intended it to. Find the gift He blessed you with and don’t be afraid to try something new to help you discover that gift. You may discover a talent you didn’t know you had. Whatever you do, do it for His glory.

7. You will have to share your husband with the entire congregation. Office hours may be posted but his job is 24/7. Refer to numbers 1, 2, & 3 above. Be patient with him. It’s a hard job to have to be the “go to guy” for every single member. You need to make sure that you are his “go to gal” when he needs an outlet. Keep confident the things he shares. Offer an ear to listen and advice when asked. Let him know when you need attention. Your husband can not read your mind. He is busy with other people’s business much of the time but don’t let yourself get shoved out of the way. You are a priority because you are his biggest supporter. He needs you over any other person in this world and you need him just as much. When God is first in your family and your husband is your best friend you will be able to make it through whatever challenges may be presented to you.  

Please remember that my experiences are my own just as your experiences will be your own but be confident that even the seemingly bad experiences will work out for good if you continue to trust in God’s Word. You are not alone and you are not the only woman in the world that will walk the road that a Minister’s wife walks. You are blessed to be a Christian woman and wife. You are blessed to be a child of God. Not perfect by any means but completely forgiven by the blood of Christ. May God bless your marriage and your work for Him.

If you are reading this and you are not a preacher’s wife, thank you for taking the time to read and try to understand some of the things we face. Many of these things may sound like your life too. As I said, we are all really the same, just Christian women seeking to take the Word to the world. I hope some of these things will be useful to you as well. If you have a preacher’s wife at your congregation that is striving to be a Godly wife and supporter of her husband, encourage her. I am certain she will encourage you as well. I know I would. You would have a piece of my heart along with so many other women who have encouraged me throughout these 18 years.

Your Sister in Christ,

Amanda Merideth

What do you Treasure?

Well, it is time once again for me to take a moment to be a proud mamma. This is the speech that Emma has prepared for Lads to Leaders this year. We have had so much going on here in our little neck of Wild and Wonderful West Virginia. My sweet daughter has worked diligently on study and preparation for this speech and I am filled with joy to share her words with you. 

"What do you treasure? What’s at the top of your priority list?

Two years ago my family moved to West Virginia from Louisville, KY. It was hard work to pack and unpack all our stuff, but what was even harder was leaving the people I’ve known for 8 years, and trying to make new friends. This was especially hard once school started. As I tried to find good friends, I began to notice that I was focusing on and valuing the wrong things. I wasn’t only looking for the wrong things in other people, but I was valuing the wrong qualities in myself. I was worrying about how I could change myself, so other people would view me as someone who’s important. As I worried more and more about what other people thought, I was worrying less and less about what God thought. I was treasuring all the wrong things. Instead of God being at the top of my priority list, the opinions of others took his place.

In Mathew chapter 6, Jesus is in the middle of delivering his first sermon: the Sermon on the Mount. Throughout this section of the sermon, Jesus is saying that no matter what we are doing, whether it’s praying, worshiping, fasting, serving others, or dealing with the worries of life, we should do them all with one focus in our heart.

Matthew 6:19-24 says, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness! No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.”

It’s easy for us to read this portion of Matthew chapter 6 and focus in on the word money, and while this is an important part of the passage, it’s not the main lesson Jesus is teaching. We may have the mindset that if we are generous with our money and not greedy, we don’t have a problem, this passage is for someone else who struggles with that and not me. This mindset is dangerously wrong. You may not love money, but do you love electronics, your car, or making sure everyone likes you no matter the cost? What Jesus is saying here is not only that you cannot serve God and money at the same time, but that you cannot serve God and the stuff of the world at the same time, no matter what that stuff may be. This is a point Jesus tries to drive into his followers from the very beginning of his ministry to the very end. And, he never promised it would be easy.

In Luke 14:26-27 Jesus uses some very intense language to drive this point home for those who would be his disciples.

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.”

Wait… I have to hate people to follow Christ? That can’t be right?

Jesus is not saying it’s ok to have hatred in our hearts here. He’s using very strong and hard to hear language to make the point that we must value him and his teachings over any other person in this world. His apostles knew and believed this and taught it after Christ had ascended back to heaven.

    

Paul in Colossians 3 verses 1-3 says, “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.”

If we have been raised like Christ this implies that we have died in some way. We have died to the “things that are on earth” and are now living for the “things that are above.” Our minds, our hearts should be filled with all the things that are important to God in heaven.

As I struggled with finding a place in a new community I lost sight of all of these things. I lost sight of what really mattered and of the fact that true treasure doesn’t look like what the world may think it does. My heart was not valuing heavenly things and my eyes were losing focus.

Verses 22 and 23 of our main text in Matthew say, “If your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.”

It warns that the things you are focusing on can give you light or can darken your life entirely. I am thankful that I already had some treasure hidden in my heart. If I had not, this small struggle in my life may have become much larger. I could have been blinded by the darkness of the world.

I know this won’t be the only time in my life I will have to fight to stay focused on what is truly valuable. Jesus never promised that the treasure he offered would make life on this earth easy. I will have to make tough decisions and sometimes others won’t like what I choose. But, this world is temporary and heaven is eternal. I will choose to focus my heart on the treasure that God has for me and on serving him. I have died to this world and my “life is hidden with Christ in God.” (Col. 3:3)

I was treasuring all the wrong things. Instead of God being at the top of my priority list, the opinions of others took his place. My new treasure is focusing on what God thinks about how I pray, worship and serve.

What do you treasure? What’s at the top of your priority list? "

He Revealed the Mystery

Over my 37 years on this earth I estimate I have heard 3,478 Sunday sermons give or take a few, and have attended roughly 1,739 Wednesday night Bible classes. These figures do not include 4 years at a Christian University taking a Bible class every semester, attending lectureships, ladies’ day programs, ladies’ Bible classes, youth rallies, summer youth series, camps, gospel meetings, retreats, and workshops.

After so many years and so many lessons I think it’s a safe assertion that I do not remember every word spoken in those sermons and classes. I do, most certainly, carry with me the lessons and principles from God’s word that they instilled in me. My faith has been shaped by these times of study with many wonderful teachers who wanted nothing more than to share God’s love, grace, and mercy. Preachers who were committed to teaching me about following God’s commandments, understanding His holiness and having confidence in His justice. They wanted to impress upon me the importance of knowing God’s will for His creation. For most of my life I took these lessons for granted.

Despite the lack of appreciation in my youth God was and is working through those thousands of lessons taught in classrooms and from behind pulpits. I am glad to reflect on the memories, vague though they may be, of sermons from many years ago. One lesson I have been reflecting on in recent weeks is from the book of Ephesians.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.” (Ephesians 1:3-10)

The mysterious will of God has been revealed and we can know and understand what that will is. From the beginning, from the time of creation, from the first separation because of sin, God had a plan. His purpose, His every move, His will, is to give us the most gracious gift of being united in a relationship with Him. That hope lies in Christ alone. God has called to us through the death of our adopted brother, Jesus Christ, to have unity in the hope He gives us because of His sacrifice (Ephesians 4:1-4).

I have thought of this lesson many times through the years but it has taken on a special meaning to me in the last several weeks. You see, the man who delivered this message was not just “my preacher,” he and his family were and are some of my dearest and closest friends. From the time I was 2 or 3 years old until I was 17 or 18 years old he was the one who revealed the mystery of God’s will to me from behind the pulpit, in the classroom, and even in his home. Though he wasn’t the one who dipped me in the waters of baptism, he was there to hug me and cheer me on as I grew in my faith. He stood beside Paul and me as we exchanged vows and were joined together as husband and wife. He and his wife raised two faithful daughters that I love deeply and I have the distinct honor of claiming as my lifelong friends and sisters. He has left us here on this earth far too soon. I have cried for my friends and I have cried that this world has lost a faithful preacher that loved to reveal the mystery of God’s will to people in his neighborhood and even across the world.

I cannot remember if it was one sermon or a series and I cannot remember the exact words spoken but I certainly remember the man that taught me those lessons and more importantly I remember the principle that has been applied to my life and tied to many important decisions I have made.  I don’t recall ever uttering the words thank you to Johnny Mack Young but I am confident that, because he revealed the mystery to me, I will thank him in our heavenly home as we worship together the One who called us to His worthy cause.